Monday, March 2, 2015

Happy To Be Home? I Think Not.

You know how it's always crappy to return from a lovely vacation? I'm about to tell you how in five easy steps you can make it even worse.

1. Fly into a snowstorm. You know, one so bad the plane circles the airport for 35 minutes just waiting for the ground crew to clear the runway. But don't attempt to land just once. Oh no, ask the pilot to do a practice land but don't tell anyone on the plane he/she is doing it. Make sure to ask the pilot to get really close to the ground in your descent and then abruptly start climbing as if you were taking off. It's fun to scare passengers! Especially moms with little kids on the plane!

2. Upon landing, wait for your luggage for 1 hour and 45 minutes. Watch as planes that just landed get their luggage delivered within 20 minutes, but yours? Oh no. It's sitting on the runway somewhere. Getting soaked with snow.

3. It's not exciting to have your car start right-away (even after snowstorms and record-breaking cold temperatures), so try to do better than we did. BUT when you exit the long-term parking, try to get the most unreasonable employee to check you out. You know, the one that admits his company made a mistake (ahem, I'm looking at you ill-printed ticket), the one that won't be reasonable and let your car full of small children go. Sure, we tried to pay, but we were forced to sit for 20 minutes and argue with the man about the exact time we entered the lot. Fun!

4. Drive home on I-95 without it being snowplowed or treated, with lots of other cars, and a lot of snow! It's fun! Will the cars in front of you stop whilst driving up a hill?! Who knows! It's part of the fun. Make sure to make your normally-45-minute drive take twice as long.

5. When you get home, have fun shoveling in the dark the 10" of newly-fallen snow that fell on the couple of inches that fell earlier in the week while you were gone. Because that's what you want to do after waking up to 50-degree temperatures that same morning: dig out snow gear.

BONUS TIP! Wake up in the morning already forgetting what 77 degrees feels like, get church cancelled, and enjoy the snow!


  1. you're funny. well, it looks like fun. but certainly does not sound like fun!

  2. Really, the saving grace there is church getting canceled, right? Wowza. THE WORST welcome home in history. So sorry.