WARNING--This post mentions some material that may be hard to read, especially for parents.
When Rhett was first born, everything was a surprise. Before birth, we expected the sleepless nights a newborn would bring. Too bad you can't imagine the reality of those nights, nor their repercussions, until the child arrives. Before birth, we expected to love our son. Too bad you can't imagine the magnitude of the love you'll feel for your child the second he/she is first laid on your chest, when you've only first met them. Everything about being a parent is so emotional and so completely indescribable to others.
But one of the most surprising things about parenting has been how emotionally distraught I get reading when tragedies that befall other children. Before birth, I would read the stories and feel moved. But after birth? Most times I can't even read the articles, and if I do, 97% of the time I end up in tears. That fire last week in a day care center that killed four children...all because the provider left seven kids alone while she went to Target? Tears. A report I read in yesterday's Post about a mother being charged in the death of her son...whose body was found in an oven? Tears. And it's not just tears as I read the articles, but even just thinking about these events waters my eyes.
A couple of years ago, the Post's humor writer wrote a feature story for the Post's Sunday magazine about people who leave their kids in the cars, and then forget them. (He won a Pulitzer Prize for Feature Writing for the article. If you can stomach it, I suggest you read it.) You can guess that this does not end well. Poor Chuck kept telling me to STOP READING and I almost had to because of the crying, but I felt like I couldn't. I felt like I needed as much information as possible on this so I could avoid it in the future.
I've thought about this phenomenon, and wondered why the feelings are so much more intense now that I have Rhett. The only way I can explain it is that maybe, when I read these articles, I imagine Rhett in those situations. My perfectly happy, silly, funny, tantrum-y boy...a boy who deserves nothing but pure love and the occasional snickerdoodle. (I only add that because I made them yesterday and was reminded of how much I love them. I could eat all the dough. I could all the cookies. I won't even admit to the number of these I eat when they're fresh.) So picturing my sweet boy having something indescribably bad happen to him, nearly makes me want to puke. And if Rhett doesn't deserve this, then no child does. Ever.
And just in case you're wondering how I get over it, here's the remedy: just read an article about how the NFL players and their owners are fighting because they want more money. You know, because they don't make enough. Just like that poor, poor Charlie Sheen who only makes $2 million an episode. Talk about hard lives!
Forgive me if I've written about this before; every time I read a new story I want to blog about it.
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I have this same thing when I read films on little kids. I read some CT's on a child who was in a car crash, barely breathing, bleed in his brain, fractures all over and both the parents were found dead at the scene. Even though I never actually see the patient in that case, it's just hard for me to see that stuff because I can't help but imagine my kids in the situation.
ReplyDeleteI've spent the morning reading the article...WOW! It is weird, this topic has come up twice in 2 days for me. I hope my children are past the age that this would be an issue as they are so vocal and rarely sleep in the car. But I understand that no one is immune and should always be on their toes.
ReplyDeleteIt is heartbreaking to hear these stories and imagine how the parents must feel. I also understand why they are being tried, but what cruel punishment to those loving parents who just had a moment and that moment turned into tragedy.
Yikes. So horrifying. I've recently had the night/daymare where I have forgotten to deadbolt my front door while I am in the shower and I come out and M & S have been taken hostage and then all sorts of terrifying scenarios ensue. It is so scary. It's amazing the fear and love that co-mingle when I think of my children's safety.
ReplyDeleteAnd yet, there are so many instances when I think of myself being a lax and unsafe parent. Yeesh.
oh yes, it's almost too much at times to check the news. lately i've been enraged and disgusted by all the child abuse going - i mean, who isn't. but when i look at my children and imagine such innocent children being abuse i got so very sad and so very MAD. arrrgh.
ReplyDeleteyou gotta read Free Range Kids. especially being a numbers gal, it might help some. it's a terrible world out there, but living with the what if's can really get to you if you let it. I don't agree with everything Lenore Skenazy recommends, but it was a refreshing perspective from Babycenter.com and other such things.
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