My Book Report

At our most recent trip to the library, Rhett grabbed a bunch of books off the shelf as we were leaving. I didn't bother looking at his choices, because, hey, they're children's library books: they're safe, right?

Questionable Book 1: The Gunniwolf by Wilhelmina Harper. This book is about a little girl who lives on the edge of a forest. Mom leaves her alone but tells her not to go near the forest (um, but if you live on the edge, don't you already live near it?). Anyway, of course girl goes in the forest as soon as mom leaves, and, of course, the Gunniwolf finds her. But this is what he says to her, "Little Girl, why for you move?" Uh, can you repeat that Gunniwolf? Apparently the little girl needs no repetition because she replies, "I no move." Ugh. Then the Gunniwolf responds, "Then you sing that guten sweeten song again!" Double ugh. Is it supposed to be cute?

As the daughter of a strict grammarian, this book bugs me on the grammar level. I mean, aren't we taught these days to not speak to our kids in baby talk or with poor grammar because we're modeling language for them? Am I supposed to ignore it because it's a small part of a small book? Maybe. All I know is that when Chuck and I read it with Rhett, it mysteriously comes out, "Little Girl, why do you move?" "I don't move." "Then you sing that good sweet song again!" Go ahead and call us not fun.

Oh, but it gets worse.

Questionable Book 2: Arthur's Birthday by Marc Brown. This book's premise is that Arthur and his friend Muffy unknowingly planned their birthday parties for the same day (horror!). As both parties have dates that can't be changed, their friends must decide whose party to attend.

When Arthur and the boys discuss the conflict, they decide to "stick together" and go to Arthur's party. Besides, "Who needs girls?" asks Buster. Uh, gee. I don't know. (Problem #1--Do we really need to teach this attitude? It's like telling little kids that math is hard. Well, duh, it will be if you tell them that all the time.)

But when the girls are discussing the two parties and opt to stay with Muffy, Francine says, "But it won't be as much fun without the boys." Come on. (Problem #2--Do we really need to start this with kids this age? FYI, Arthur is turning eight in this book. Again with the stereotypes.)

Most people might disagree with me on the previous two. That's fine; I can take it. But there's no way you'd dismiss the finale. At the end, they decide to combine both parties (although it's not really clear what happens to poor Muffy's party and her pre-booked entertainment). Everyone is happy and together. When Francine gives her present to Arthur, she tells him to "use it right away." And what is this gift? A green bottle. Why would I have a problem with this? Because the bottle is marked, "Francine's Spin the Bottle Game." Uh, WHAT?! Really?! (This was not the first reference to Spin the Bottle in this book. When Arthur initially invites Francine she expresses her delight in being able to play this game.) I'm pretty sure I don't need to state Problem #3.

So come on, this is totally inappropriate, right?

And just so you know, I have never really had problems with any of Rhett's books before now. Sure there are some that I'd rather not read (any of the knock-off Corduroys come to mind). And sure, I have a questionable children's book that I love, but these are the first I've ever really gasped at.

In case you don't want to click on the link to my "questionable" book I'll tell you about it. This kid, William, just won't be impressed. His dad shows him amazing sight after amazing sight, followed by a bored William replying, "Whatever." In the end, William's dad shows him the world's hungriest tiger, who then eats William. When William tells his dad that he's still in the tiger's belly, how does William's dad respond? "WHATEVER!" Awesome. I'm pretty sure Rhett doesn't get it.